Pretty, pleaseeee.”
“See, this is the last time I’ll help you do this thing.”
“Thank you. You are the best. Muah!”
Shola is the shyest guy I’ve ever met. So shy that he can’t even ask a girl out.
But he’s my best friend. We’ve been best friends since 100 level.
Part of my best friend duties is to help him talk to girls. A few other times, I pose as him and chat with them on WhatsApp.
Because of Shola, some people now view me as a lesbian because I’m always chyking babes.
One time, we went out to a restaurant and this fine babe walked in. Light-skinned, tall and beautiful. He liked her from the minute he saw her. He begged me to help him, as always.
My reward usually ranged from three packs of Bounty chocolate and a big bowl of ice cream to outings in exotic restaurants.
This time, he promised to give me cash. I moved on to her. She introduced herself as Anita and said she had come to give herself a treat.
She had initially thought we were a couple. I told her we weren’t and after using my sweet charming words, she agreed to join our table.
I had to lie that I needed to run some errands for my mom, so they could have some privacy. One thing led to another and they dated for three months. Shola cried.
They broke up because… well, let’s discuss that later.
Another time, I walked up to a girl at the park to ask her to come sit with Shola as he needed to talk to her.
“Why can’t he come by himself?” She asked.
I replied with the dumbest thing I could think of. “Your beauty is just too much for him to handle. He is still trying to process it.”
She laughed out loud. When she picked up the bottle of coke she had been drinking, I thought she wanted to follow me. Instead, she opened it and emptied it on my head.
On my bone straight!!
Of course, I made sure Shola bought another one as his apology gift.
I told him that I was done. He had to man up. The worst a girl could say is NO. It was getting really annoying.
I guess it is more annoying because I’ve always been in love with Shola. But he has barely noticed me in that light.
He buys gifts for me because he needs me to do his dirty work. He takes me out to exotic restaurants because he needs to hunt for girls.
But, he gives me random forehead kisses and bear hugs.
We talk everyday about everything and anything. He is my confidant and I am his. I’ve watched him cry and laugh. I’m always his go-to person.
But, I’m still not good enough for him to date.
He is so free with me. Sometimes, I wonder why he can’t just ask me to be his girlfriend.
Maybe he is too shy and would need another person to come help him ask me out, same way I do it for him.
“Why are you not moving? The girl is actually leaving. Please nau” Shola had been begging for the past ten minutes.
For some reason, I couldn’t move. I just kept staring at him.
“Shola, I am in love with you.”
He opened his mouth and closed it.
“I’ve always been in love with you. I have had failed relationships because of you. It’s just sad that you never want to be with me.”
He opened his mouth again and closed it.
“Remember Anita? She came into your life and you totally abandoned me. For three whole months!! I had to do something so I sent pictures of you sleeping on my thighs to her.
I sent cosy pictures and all of that to convince her that we had more going on than the bestie thing. She believed me.
I was happy she broke up with you. You came back to me and I thought the sadness would at least make you notice me. But you still didn’t.
I’m tired of dying in silence. I am tired of doing your dirty work. Will you just notice that I love you so much? I need you in my life. Shola, be my boyfriend.”
When he opened his mouth this time, I wished he had closed it back. He laughed so hard and said,
“Is this playing? Somebody hearing this now will think you are a serious person. Please stop joking and help me talk to this girl. Why are you doing me like this?”
I wished I hadn’t said anything. I wished the ground would open and swallow me and the embarrassment I had caused myself. 🫠
“Oya, how much do you want this time? Any amount,” he added.
I looked at him, smiled and walked away.
Ehighocho Ruth James is a medical doctor and creative writer who writes from Port Harcourt, Nigeria. You can read more of her on Medium at www.medium.com/@ehighocho.
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