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I WAN BE LECTURER (A PIDGIN POEM BY ARUM MALACHY)

I wan bi Lekchura

E get this mata wey I wan yan you E don tey wey I don dey risin am But enitaim wey I won tok am Na so so gbim! Gbim! My hat go dey pawned me
I wan bi lekchura

I neva see lekchura wey no get big Ka? If im drive pass you for skul na so so hail hail you go dey hail Bikoz if you no hail, na for im exam him go take fail you

I neva see lekchura wey im pikin dey read small small korsis for skul? Lekchura no go dey im pikin go dey rid small small korsis for skul im fit give im pikin Law or Med-surg make him for chuuz the one wey im laik pass


I neva see lekchura wey im pikin dey pay yeye feez for skul? Lekchura pikin no go fit get carryover bekoz say im brain na tabularasa Him papa fit arrange privet exams for oda lekchura office make im pikin knack A’s That one sef no coded way gan


I neva see lekchura wey dey touch im government salari Lekchura fit vex commot for class on top nothing Say una vex dey make him vex dey vex That Kind waka dey warrant moni Because him fit no come class again And na moni students go carry go dey beg beg. Na so so beggi beggi students go dey beg lekchura wey government dey pay salari

I neva see lecturer wey no dey knack fine fine girls wey dey for him class Lekchura no go dey die for konji when fine fine girls full for im class If im wan knack osho free, im fit arange one okpeke go hotel And too, female students no go fit disagree lekchura’s beg Because im fit fail you for exam, And wen you go come dey beg, na plenty plenty conditions lekchura go come dey give you

But lekchuras dey difren difren shaa


E get lekchuras wey go dey teach you and na so so inspirations go dey kolombi your brain im fit go beyon d context make im sure say you learn im topik well well But na dis kind lectures dey pur pass shaa im fit wear one cloth for one selengeh simesta And na dem dey drive kpokirikpo moto pass


E get some kind worry worry lekchuras wey dey come form for class im dey like to dey show imself so tey im no dey fit read come class Bikoz im don too yab yab people wey don sidon write book And na im dey feel say everything im teach for class correct pass And if you try give am scores na fail im go fail you for exam


E get lekchuras wey dey come do shakara for class If im dey waka for klass na so so chakam chakam im mouth go dey wag like goat And na so im leg go dey knack koi koi for grand im fit wear ukwu George or big agabada come dey draw draw am like ogbonor soup Dat one na classic lekchura wey no dey teach shimgbam for class


E get some kain lekchuras wey no dey send But im too dey get kondishun If na money im say make you pay, pay am shap shap If na handout or textbook im say make you buy, buy am quick quick But if na body im say make you carry come for hotel as a girl, omor na you sabi


E get lekchuras wey dey dey arrogant Dem dey shot like Zakious come dey waka waka like crab You fit go beg am for sorting im go shout shout and curse curse you so tey im go fail you Hmm dat kind lekchura na holyspirit or Allah fit save person from dia hands shaa


E get lekchuras wey dey go church well well im fit wear one selenge tai for nek come dey draw im trasa reach im belle im fit wear Chusin regalia come for klass come knack plenty stickers full for im car body Students no dey fit enter dem make dem for pass


E get lekchuras wey no dey carry person for dem car im fit splash you water if you see am for road and you no clear Plenty of dem dey be Profs, and dem fit tell you hundred times for class say dem be Profesaw of hingineering, feeseez, kemisery and joegraphics Dem fit no teach you shingbam sef for klass, but na so so grammar dey go dey blow: indoorstralizashun, incampaseatated, ejukashunalizim, calltizm. Na so so zim zim person go dey hia for klas?


E get lekchuras wey don old finish Na dem dey come siddon for chia for class im fit don reach eiti faiv yez but fit be forti yez for im CV Dis kind lekchura dey make person slip taya for class


I wan bi lekchurar shaa I wan bi lekchura make my people sabi wetin be admishun quota Weda dem pass jamb or waec, dat one no be cryteria That one sef no be rekwayament Na small money dem fit pay me make dem kpolongo


I wan bi lekchura make I fel stewdents wey dey do oversabi for klas, I fit give dem extra-year make dem head for coolu well well


I wan bi lekchura make I dey put assignments for handouts I fit tear the assignment comot wen dem don buy handouts finish make I for sell give dia sorsessors I fit no mark assignment I fit dump am for office, that one sef no be wahala


I wan bi lekchura make nobody dey challenge me for village Any pesin wey trespass for my land I fit use gramma tia him belle Na den my village pipul go know say I be govament propati


I wan bi lekchura make I dey make money well well for school Make other lekchuras dey write papers for journals Make I dey give my stewdents my own paper for assignment Wen dem write finish, I fit carry the one wey make sense pass go submit for my paper review Afterol na so govanos and praisingdents dey steal our speeches go dey read for house


I wan bi lekchura shaa, but me sef confuse the kain lekchura wey go sure pass.

Author: Arum Malachy

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